Sunday, May 13, 2012

Leg Herpes

Yesterday, I rode 88 miles through the most beautiful part of America, from Black Diamond to Enumclaw, to Wilkerson, to the Carbon River Ranger Station.  No place on earth was more beautiful than where I was yesterday.  The blue cloudless sky was so bright it just popped.  The trees hung over the road, letting sunshine lay slices of light down between the shadows.  It was cold early, but then a perfect 80 degrees for most of the day, with perfect sunshine made for a perfect day.

The route we rode follows the the Carbon River for quite a while.  Every spring, the Carbon runs at full tilt, and, as rivers go, when the Carbon runs high, it's a humdinger.  The Carbon isn't one of those slow, pussy rivers that just wander around a couple stumps and get confused on which way down is, trying to change their identity from river to lake.  Those slow rivers suck.  Those slow rivers just try to sneak off in shame to dump some dirty water somewhere else and shirk their duty.  The Carbon isn't like that at all.  The Carbon is a freight train running downhill without brakes. The Carbon moves boulders and shakes the earth.  I think it is my new favorite river.  You need to see it to understand.  When God made the Carbon, he was showing off.

So anyway, the road we were on follows the Carbon River.  It's pretty, but if you want to ride the Carbon, it's like they say, it's uphill both ways.  You should get a t-shirt for just riding to the Carbon River Ranger Station.

I fell apart at mile 75.  I was gassed.  It was a magnificent display of 75 miles of average riding, followed up by 20 miles of shame.  My legs betrayed me.  I am better than that.  I think somebody sabotaged my bike.  The sun was in my eyes.

Today, I ran from the Car Wash to Landsburg and back.  If you don't know where the Car Wash is, don't go looking for it because it isn't there.  About a week ago, it passed from the physical to the meta-physical, now it existing only in the ether.  They just ripped it down.  The Car Wash is gone, I guess because nobody was getting their car washed at the Car Wash.  I think the great legacy of the Car Wash isn't that some guy is making a million bucks a day there, it is that everybody knows where the Car Wash is and if you want to meet up for a ride or a run, you can start at the Car Wash.

So, according to my gps runners watch, which I hate because I can't make it do anything other than beep when I go too slow, it was a 16 mile run.  I don't have anything fun or pithy to say about that.  It was a 16 mile run, of which the first 14 miles were painful but manageable.  The last 2 miles were a horror movie.  It was like the movie where the hot girl has been attacked, but somehow managed, against all odds to hit the knife wielding mass murderer on the head with a seven iron that was surprisingly handy when she needed it.  Since he is temporarily passed out, she sits down to cry, with her back to the guy, while everybody can see him sit up and get ready to stab her in the neck with the kitchen knife that is still gripped tightly in his murdering hand.  She just needs to turn around and whack him with the seven iron in the head a couple more times, but she won't do it, she just sits there sobbing.  It isn't scary, its frustrating.  She is literally too stupid to get out of the way.
So that crying hot girl is me running.  Well, I am not hot, but I do feel like a crying girl when I run and if I would just stop running I could stop the pain.  Everybody except me can see the shadowy vision of a real runner coming up behind me, judging me, mocking me.  I just need to stop running, turn around and start whacking some guys with a seven iron.

It isn't the distance that got me over the past 2 days, its that I think I have leg herpes.  No matter what I do, my legs feel like they have somehow, without notifying the owner gone out and contracted leg herpes.  If I walk to the bathroom, they cramp, if I lay down, they cramp, if I lay perfectly still, they cramp.  I think I have leg herpes.  Doesn't that suck?

41 days, 16 hours until IM CDA.

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