P3

My bike is a great bike. The advertising said so, so I know it's true. It's fast, very colorful and I took out a second mortgage on my house to buy it, so I know its a great bike. The problem is that it spends more time at the bike shop than I spend riding it. It needs new cables, it doesn't shift right, the chain is shot, the wheels are out of true, the list goes on and on. Its like the great American philosopher, Rosanna Rosanna Danna said, “It's always somethin.”


I was picking up my bike yesterday from the bike store and honestly, I don't know why. I just take it there once a week, they tell me to come back in a couple days and bring some money. I think this time they were replacing the chain and putting in a new left aortic valve. So I am waiting to pay my bill, and it took a while because they had a hard time adding up the bill. I guess their cash register can only add 20 items at once before smoke starts to come out the back and it needs to be reset. Anywho, I was standing in the middle of the bike store for maybe 10 minutes waiting for the bill, and I notice a gal trying out a bike. She had the bike on the trainer and was pedaling at something close to a 300 cadence, I thought it was a foot race to see who quit first, the girl or the trainer. Honestly, I didn't really notice the girl, I was looking at the bike. It was a P3 and it looked great. I thought, wow, that bike is super-sexy. Slim, well built, aftermarket bumps in all the right places, smooth tan skin and blue eyes. That bike was crazy hot. If my bike left me for a better rider, I'm going to get one of those P3's.


So today, my buddies and I are doing a brick. It's part of a highly detailed, well thought out training plan for Arizona. We planned on an hour swim, a three hour bike and a two hour run. That was the plan. As it turned out, we swam about an hour, then we went for a ride. Easy pace, 20-21 mph, no big hero efforts. The route we rode is our typical training route. We start at my house, go through Black Diamond, wander around a bit, limp through Cumberland, then go towards the dump. If you smell dead stuff, you are going the right direction. If you smell flowers, turn around. That's my navigational advice if you want to train for IM Arizona. If you smell dead stuff, you are going in the right direction.


The thing is, there is a bike race this weekend just outside of Cumberland and we need to ride on the same route as the race. It's a free country, right? I didn't sign a non-compete clause. Look out racers, I gotta get to Starbucks.


I was up front, riding easy because we planned on running after our bike ride. If we were going to just ride and be done for the day, I would have been riding faster, but nope, my riding buddies and I agreed, with a binding blood-oath promise given with the full faith and credit of these United States of America, that we were going to go easy on the way home. No testosterone-fest riding. So I was riding an easy pace, my riding buddies are behind me, and we wander into the middle of a bike race. Not my fault. 100 bike racers and my rag-tag group of 3 riders, all on the same road at the same time. Then in front of me, I see a new P3 and it looked really familiar. Slim, tan skin, blue eyes. Yup, its my new best friend with the aftermarket bumps. I get about 20 feet behind the P3 and I am happy right there. I am going to follow that P3 for the rest of my life. Remember when your Mom was trying to get you to think for yourself when you were 8? She said “If Johnny jumps off a cliff, are you going to jump too?” Yes. Yes I will. I will follow this P3 right off the cliff. Oh yes. Then my riding buddy, who can screw up a good deal without really trying decides we aren't going fast enough and jumps around me and passes me and P3. Why would you do that? I didn't understand it then and I don't now. So then we settle back down to a reasonable pace and P3 comes around and passes us. Sweet. Life is good again, lets follow P3. Then my buddy feels like screwing it up again and passes P3. He passes P3 about 50 other riders and we left the racers behind us. I will never see P3 again. Sad. So sad.

Do you remember the movie 'The Waterboy'? Bobby's Mama said “Foosball? A bunch of overgrown monsters manhandling each other. Remember when that man wanted you to play the foosball, Bobby?” That is the best football reference I can come up with right now. Today is football Saturday. Go Cougs.