Breath

Sometimes we need to look in the rear view mirror to see something real about ourselves. It's the story of my life, and I think maybe a few others suffer from a similar optically flawed self reflection. We see ourselves as we wish we were, not as we are. We see others clearly, but the one person we should know the best, we know the least. Crap. I hate that.

Impatience:  When I was fifteen, I couldn't wait to turn sixteen so that I could drive. I just blew through that year without taking the time to enjoy it. I spent all my effort trying to get away from my stupid parents, my idiot teachers, my lame friends. I didn't have a plan other than just get as far away as possible and I thought if I could get a license, it would all work out. If only I could get a license, all of those lesser humans that were holding me back from my limitless potential would then realize their error and let me go be king of..something. It seemed reasonable at the time. I breezed through that year and it was really a waste. When I turned sixteen, I got my license, I got to drive and nothing changed other than I had to work every spare second to fund my new automotive addiction. I didn't get the freedom I wanted, but I did waste what could have been a great year.

Fear:  On the day I was married, I was just trying to get through the day without killing the new family. I might have enjoyed the day if I hadn't been so eager to just get it over with. In retrospect, I now realize I was afraid of just about everything. Marriage to someone I didn't really know. Commitment and all that that implied. Sharing a toothbrush and a toilet seat. No way was I letting somebody use my toothbrush or my personal toilet seat.  I was, and I remain committed to a life built on below average intellect, but I was smart enough to know that while I didn't know what responsibility was, it was a really bad thing and, much like gonorrhea, and should be avoided at all costs.
All these things are bad things.  Commitment, sharing, responsibility.  All bad.  On my wedding day, I was locked up with fear and I missed what could have been a really good day.

I could do it better:  When the kids were five, I used to hate Saturdays. I had to miss college football, and I am still bitter about that. You only get so many football Saturdays, right? I had to drive the kids to a soccer game that they completely screwed up. I mean, if they have just listened to me they would have scored like six goals each. "Kick the ball into the net.  Kick the ball into the freakin' net!"
No, wait, I have a better idea. Why couldn't I play instead?  I could have kicked ass. I got game, right? Why do the kids get to play every freaking Saturday while I suffer on the sidelines watching them miss another goal. And another. Let me play. I pay the bills. I should at least get to sub in.  I could run circles around those five year-olds.

A month ago, I did Ironman AZ. When you do yours, here is what not to do.

Impatience:  Don't just rush through it, hoping for a better situation when it is over. It doesn't get any better. What do you hope to improve on? The day is one and done. It doesn't get any better, so take a minute to enjoy it.  You aren't going to be blowing a sponsorship opportunity. I am not saying you should pack a lawn chair and take a nap.  I am saying you can compete and enjoy it along the way.  The family is there, friends are there, people you have never met before are cheering for you until they lose their voice. What could be better? Enjoy every minute. Every second. Are you in pain? Embrace it. Are you feeling frisky?  Throttle back there big guy and don't event think about picking it up past your race plan pace.  You have a race plan, right?

Fear:  Don't be afraid of what you don't know. Nothing bad can happen. Suck in some water on the swim? Maybe. So what? Crash your bike? Maybe. You will just pick yourself up and carry on. And you will have a great scar to show your friends. Run until you barf? Probably. So what?  Nothing bad will happen that you can't fix.  Just know that even though it is new, it's nothing to be afraid of.

When I was training, I spent a lot of mornings at the pool. 5 AM, swimming laps at the stupid pool. It sucks and I hated it.  How many times do I have to do that?  I spent a lot of days running ten, twelve, fifteen miles. I hated that.  Before I did it, I was afraid that Ironman would just be one long, bad training day. It isn't. I don't know why but it isn't that at all.

I could do it better:  Really? You can win? You can beat everybody else? Then do it. Don't talk about it, do it. In the meantime, while you travel back from fantasy land, realize there are some really good athletes that are getting beat by better athletes. If you hang your hat on having a better race than your buddy, you are going to be disappointed.  You can do what you can do, and a little bit more.  Do that.

In the meantime, enjoy your day. Smile. Ironman is your day. It's put together with one idea; to let you achieve something bigger and better than you have known before. Fill your lungs with it. Breath it in.