Pre Race Jitters

I am in Phoenix, getting ready for next Sunday's Ironman. I flew down a couple days ago with a group of folks to have a chance to relax before the event. The idea is that if you get here at the last minute, you will be stressed out and your athletic performance will suffer. I don't know if that is true, but at this point, I will believe anything.

Yesterday was a good day, all things considered. To start with, I swam at the Cactus pool in Scottsdale, which is a great pool. You just feel like an Ironman by being around that pool. I have been told that if you swim there, you are then anointed by the Ironman official witchdoctor mojo. The Cactus pool has 28 lanes so everybody gets their own lane. The Cactus pool is outdoors, so you get to swim in the sunshine. The water doesn't stink, which is nice, and honestly, its a great change from home. Our pool at home is a cesspool. The home pool is a three lane fiasco that is suppose to be open to all, but really is a place for the big sumo lady water walkers to ruin everybody else's day. The big sumo lady water walkers are slathered in perfume, wear a pink frilly shower cap and push a big bow wave when they walk 2 laps in the pool in a thirty minute window. They walk a few steps down the lane, then stop and slosh water on their arms for ten minutes while their cheap perfume spreads over the top of the water like the Exxon Valdez. It smells like a rusty old can of lavender scented Glade sprung a leak. Meanwhile, they keep ten swimmers on the beach because nobody is brave enough to swim past them. The big sumo lady water walkers mosey down the lane, taking up the middle 80%.  I have personally seen lap swimmers try to swim past these gals and they never come back. They just disappear.  

Last night, we went to dinner in Scottsdale. Dinner was nice, with decent food and everybody seemed to have a good time. We were about half way through dinner and we were chatting with the waitress about how good the cocktails were and she casually asked if we were going to R&D after dinner. We didn't know what R&D was, but after she described it, we agreed to give it a shot. R&D is a small cocktail joint right above the restaurant that has unique drinks. Its suppose to be sort of a speak-easy atmosphere and it was pretty cool. You have to call from a phone at the bottom of some rickety stairs to be let in. The stairs are right next to a dumpster so you know the place is either going to have a great atmosphere or its going to suck. It didn't suck. I am not a big cocktail guy but this place was exceptional. A couple people in our group ordered a gin and tonic. They bring out this big glass apparatus that looked like something out of a Scooby-Doo chemistry set. They put some juniper berries and orange peels and other stuff in a glass pot and steeped the vodka in it to make gin.  Sounds weird, works great.  I don't remember what they put in my drink, other than it was a bunch of high octane something or another and some whipped cream. And it was on fire at one point. Yum.

Today we checked our bikes out of TriBikeTransport for a quick trip down the boardwalk just to see if everything was working. You just never know. For the past six months, I have had problems with my bike. Its just one little thing after another.  Wheels, rear derailleur, front deraileur, squeeky headset, brakes drag, brakes dont work, yadda yadda yadda.  It never ends.  But, I am happy to report that all is well.  I rode a few miles and its good to go.

Tomorrow we are going for a practice swim. We were going to do the practice swim in Tempe Town lake but a guy we met said that it might be a good idea to just skip that. He said some folks have been known to contract all manner of nastiness there, diphtheria, hepatitis, distemper; they have it all. Maybe we will skip the pre-swim.

After the practice swim, or maybe after the skipped practice swim, we shop. I think I am in for a couple hundred bucks for thirty bucks worth of tshirts. Its a rip off but what are you going to do?

We are going to pause our normally scheduled broadcasting to pass on an important public health message. Please pay attention, it could be important to you, or someone close to you.

I was at Ironman village wandering around, looking at the sights, taking in the experience.  I didn't want to be distracted by outside events.  I am trying to settle down, remain calm, prepare my mind, body and soul for Sunday's big event.  It occurred to me that my bladder was full and I had to go, so I wandered over to a line of eight sani-cans.  I wasn't really paying attention to who was in which sani-can since it isn't my job to police the things.  I opened the first one, it was disgusting, there was a mess everywhere, so I shut the door.  I tried to open the next one, it was locked with a fairly hefty zip tie.  Apparently, that particular sani-can is reserved for somebody with a pair of side cutters.  I headed for can #3.  I should note at this point that the sani-cans are the kind that have the red/green window on the front.  If somebody is in the thing, they are suppose to flip the lock, which will also make the little plastic window go from green to red. Everybody knows how it works.  If the first thing you learn in life is to count to three, one, two, three, the second thing you learn is the little window on the sani-can.  Anywho, I carefully inspect the window in can #3, its green, green means go, so I open the door, there was a really attractive lady in there who seemed to be accommodating two opposing, yet irresistible urges.  One, she had to urinate right now and two, she was not going to plant her pristine cheeks on the seat.  She may also have been a contortionist because I don't think you can squat that way, with your private parts hovering mere fractions of an inch from the seat, unless you are an Olympic gymnast or a contortionist.  So I stood there, looking at the lady, and I didn't know what to do.  I swear, she smiled at me and sort of giggled.  So I just sort of stared for a few seconds more, trying to be polite.  I smiled back. I mean, its a matter of manners.  Do you think its OK to slam a door in a lady's face?  I don't.  I quietly closed the door, then I said "sorry".  She didn't answer.  I asked if she was OK  She didn't say anything.  I told her that if she would feel better about it, she could open the door on me while I was going. She didn't answer.
I used sani-can #4.  I never heard from her again.  Such is life.

Sunday is the big day. Whoop whoop whoop.