Leo And The Rest Of Us

My legs just wont stand up to the pounding of running five or six days a week. It hurts too much. I get too many injuries. I have limped home more times than I can count. So a year ago, I am thinking about the opposing goals of training for Ironman and leaving enough cartilage in my knees to allow me to walk upright for another couple years. It's a challenge. After thinking it over, I decided to keep running while I train for Ironman and buy stock in the Advil company. It's not a perfect plan, but it works for me.

So one day, my sadistic calendar called for a ten mile run with hills. I skipped the hills but did the distance. It was awful. Running and I often engage in a winner-take-all fight for domination of my knees. I usually lose. That run was no different, my knees freaked out and I felt sorry for myself.  On the way home, I thought I needed a treat to turn my frown upside down, so I pulled into the KFC drivethru; I figured I could find a use for a full deal meal with a three pack of chicken, some biscuits and a moist towelette. While I waited, I looked across the parking lot and saw one of those hot yoga places. An idea started to form. I got my chicken then wander over to the yoga place to peer in the window. My idea is taking shape and came down to this; I can still run two to three times a week, but in order to inflict enough damage on my body to prepare for Ironman, I can go to hot yoga once or twice a week as an easy filler. How bad can it be? Swimming is a grind and makes my shoulders hurt. Biking is hard and my quads and hamstrings cramp. Running sucks for lots of reasons. Yoga? It's just some girls doing a few light stretches and hopping around on one leg. Not a big deal. I am going to rock that hot yoga class. I might even get a medal.

So I went to hot yoga. It wasn't what I thought it was going to be. They don't tell you everything you need to know when they take your money. First, its hot. I mean surface of the sun hot. Next, its fall down exhausting. I can do the whole class, but I take breaks when I get dizzy. I get dizzy a lot. And, its intimidating. Everybody there is doing a bang-up job of making me feel inadequate. They all excel at that.

The class usually has two guys and twenty to thirty girls in it. One of the guys has a six pack and looks like he is packing four or five percent body fat. I am not sure, but he might have a super-power. I think he can pick both feet up off the ground at the same time. He probably drives a BMW. Nobody likes him. On the other hand, I am pretty sure he shoots blanks. Anyway, the girls in class are ruthless killers. They pack guns and knives to class in their Gucci gym bags. To them, yoga is a death match. They love to see guys like me show up. Those girls are so arrogant. They don't sweat, or grunt, or fall. They wrap a two hands and a foot and maybe three knees around their twenty two inch waist without so much as a primal scream. I don't get it.

There is this one girl, she is maybe five foot six inches and she can stand on one leg and put the other foot straight up above her head and not fall down. Freak. I don't know what she weighs, but I am guessing if she sat on one side of a teeter totter, my golden retriever could sit on the other side and balance her out. So, I guess she weighs one golden retriever. Next to that girl, another girl is maybe five foot five and weighs about one point two golden retrievers. She can put her foot above here head too. All these girls can all put one foot over their head except for the lady in the back that weighs about two golden retrievers. I like her. My kind of people.

There was a documentary on T.V. the other day describing the life and accomplishments of Leonardo da Vinci. It was only an hour long show, so they just hit a few of the highlights from his life. They talked about his accomplishments as a painter, as a sculptor, as an architect, as a cartographer, and as an inventor. It was really a great show and now, I find it impossible to describe him accurately in a blog. Calling his life 'amazing' belittles his genius.

What I find interesting is the degree of separation between Leo and the rest of us. Just try to imagine how far off the mark you are if you try to paint, or sculpt or invent something. Maybe you can do that stuff. I can't. I am a committed narcissist and I freely admit it is beyond me. He was a giant among men. He pushed the boundaries of human greatness and in comparison, none were able to compete at his level. The delta between Leo and the rest of mankind is hard to measure. Likewise, when I go to hot yoga, the difference between those yoga show-offs and myself is pretty good size too. I can't do some of the stuff they do. Actually, I cant do any of the stuff they do. Do I care? Not really.

Namaste.