Defcon

Everybody thinks about something when they work out. I know I do, and I am just guessing here, but I bet somebody like Usain Bolt would have a whole different mindset than I do during a workout. For instance, Usain might think to himself something like “Faster, Stronger, Better” over and over while he works out, while I might be thinking “How much further do I need to run before I can go snag a Red Robin burger and shake?” Usain and I just have different approaches to training, there is no right answer.

Actually, when I swim, I spend the first ten minutes of my workout thinking about my stroke mechanics. I try to really concentrate on improving just one thing. To that end, I keep a fairly extensive mental database of my swim flaws. Its a pretty big list. After that first ten minutes, I downshift into some simple math, calculating how many minutes until I am done. So I guess my typical swim workout is ten productive minutes of swimming followed by counting backwards from three thousand.

When I bike, I spend the entire time thinking about not falling. That might sound like its not a very productive use of my time, but I would suggest that just the opposite is true. I am all about safety and it doesn't take a lot of mental energy to concentrate on not hurting yourself. Self preservation is number two in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.  I am a big Maslowian supporter.

When I run, two things happen. The first ten minutes is pain. Lots of pain. My mind goes blank except for the singular vision of a flashing billboard shouting the pain thing in big red letters. It's almost blinding. Then it gets weird. I start to think about people I am mad at and what I would say if I saw them at that moment. I don't remember when I started these one sided conversations, but I it happens almost every time I run. My discussion with these people, who are with me only with me in a metaphysical sense, follows the five levels of war readiness used by the U.S. Military. It goes like this:

Defcon5: Usually I play it pretty cool. I try to take the high road and I don't say anything that I might later regret. I just think how much they have irritated me and try not to fixate on it.

Defconf4: I will just be running along and I quietly blurt out “sure, whatever you say” or “ya, right, you are always right”. I feel pretty smug at that point. I usually win the argument and it ends right there.

Defconf3: I start to lose my mental filter and I tell whoever it is what I really think about them. I explain in great detail how they let me down and what they did to irritate me. I sometimes yell for as long as I don't run out of breath.  One time, I think I told someone that they would "Rue the day when they...".  I meant it too.

Defcon2: I use my right index finger and poke my victim in the chest.

Defcon1: I don't know what happens at this point. I haven't let it escalate that far. I am afraid I might punch another runner if one passed me.