Lemon Drops

The Discovery Channel narrator with the Australian accent said something like 'the hapless seal tried in vain to flee from the great white shark.' It isn't an accurate quote, but it's close. It got me thinking that great white sharks must be a recent invention since you never used to hear about great white sharks, but now you hear about them every day. You hear about great white sharks at work, you hear about great white sharks on the radio, you read about great white sharks in vacation brochures, those toothy fish are in the news everywhere. But think about this; Did you ever hear about some sixteenth century explorer mixing it up with a great white? No. We have an extensive written history of the oceans compiled by very detailed note takers over the past five hundred years and nowhere in there do they mention great whites. The first mention of great whites is in about 1980. It's like they just appeared when Carter jacked up interest rates. Coincidence? You be the judge.

When I was in third grade, we had to learn about the different explorers and what they discovered and how their discoveries changed history and impacted our lives. I don't remember all the details, there were a lot of guys in leaky boats wandering around, sans great whites, and who actually did what got pretty confusing. Somebody tried to find the Northwest passage (and got lost), somebody drove from France to China (and got lost), somebody else found Atlantis or Atlanta or something (and lost it); Like I said, it's pretty confusing.

I was running today and after thirty minutes, I got pretty bored so I started to sort out which explorer did what and I thought I better put it down in electronic format, lest I forget again. Here is all I can remember about who discovered what:

name                    discovery                                     when

Magellan               Circumnavigated the earth           A long time ago

de Soto                 Mississippi River                          A long time ago

Ponce de Leon      Puerto Rico                                 A long time ago

Raine                    Apathy                                         1974

Capt. Cook           Pretty much everything else         No idea, probably A long time ago

I think its a pretty good list. Its pretty complete.

Like I said, I was running today with my daughter, we knocked out nine miles. I was thinking about reporting a pace of between five-thirty or maybe six minute miles, but that would be inaccurate and I would feel bad falsifying run times here in the cauldron of truth Ironman blog. I think it would be more accurate, and I would feel quite comfortable to report a six-thirty pace. That's pretty accurate. Six minutes, thirty seconds per mile. The guy with fur hanging out of his nose like a walrus ran past us doing six-thirty miles. He was flying. His nose toupee was flapping.

I wasn't going quite that fast, I limp at a more leisurely pace, and because of it, my knee can now be qualified as a carbuncle. Most people don't know what a carbuncle is, but if you show up at my house and give me a dollar, I will show you a carbuncle.

Saturday, I rode with my old gang of riders, chatting while we rode along. We discussed the various charities we support, healthy recipes we might try out and books we liked on Oprah's book list. I think it was a wholesome ride. We didn't use foul language or shoot snot rockets at each other or generally do any of the disgusting stuff that other triathletes do.  It's beneath us.  

Then at some point, my saintly gang felt the pace I was setting wasn't sufficient and peeled off. It was fun while we were together, but I haven't seen them since and I am a bit worried.  If you see some older gentlemen wearing spandex, looking lost and shooting snot rockets, let me know and I will cancel the missing persons report.

Today, I ran. Tomorrow, assuming my knee unlocks, I go to an early spin class at O'dark thirty, followed by a trip to starbucks for a recovery smoothie. Speaking of a recovery drink, try this out the next time you run in ninety degree heat.

Lemon Drop

½ cup freshly squozed lemon juice

1 cup freshly poured vodka

add simple syrup to taste (sugar mixed with water)

Pour it over ice in four glasses.  Drink each in turn.  Whatever pain you are feeling will just melt away.  Promise.