Hot Yoga

I did hot yoga today after work. As the name would suggest, it is hot, and I do believe something akin to yoga was occurring with the other contestants. They were, to various degrees, stretching, arching, flexing and standing on fewer than two legs without falling. I was not. I think some of them must have read the instructions before showing up. I never do that. If I get a tool or a new appliance, I plug it in and make it go. If I can't figure out the knobs, I take it back.

Anyway, I was doing something not at all similar to yoga. What I was doing was grotesque, and was bothersome to the ladies that attended. Mostly ladies, that is. There were two guys with questionable intent were there as well. They decided to go shirtless. Perverts. I know it's hot. I get it. You sweat a lot in hot yoga. I know, I was there. But a great truth of life needs to be stated clearly and often, and that unassailable truth is thus; men over the age of forty don't look good with a shirtless wardrobe. We should all respect the law of physics. Age causes men to flab up and grow non-functional hair in odd places. It just is.

The hot yoga place should require men wear enough cloth to not be disgusting. Something that covers the entire hairy back would be a good start. This is not true of women. If they are in shape, have a belly button that isn't hidden by the Pillsbury dough boy tummy and didn't get a series of large tattoos during a drunken binge on their birthday, like a green frog the size of a dinner plate hopping around their middle section or life sized assault rifle their hip, then by all means, wear the mid-section revealing ensemble.

Is it acceptable to fart in yoga? I think yes. Please vote in the comments field if you feel strongly either way.